Is it okay to break a Lenten promise regarding prayer, fasting, or almsgiving? Of course – some and sometimes. But not so fast!
First, it’s important to distinguish between what we’re obligated to do and what we’re not. For Roman Catholics, the Church laws we’re bound to follow include (according to Code of Canon Law #s1249-1252):
- fasting on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday for those who are between the ages of 19-59. (Fasting is defined as limiting the day’s sustenance to one full meal and two smaller meals that do not equal, when added together, a full meal. So basically, 2 snacks and a meal.)
- abstaining from meat on Ash Wednesday and all Fridays during Lent for those who have reached the age of 15.
- devoting oneself in a special way to prayer, works of piety and charity, and self-denial during Lent – or what are commonly referred to as the three pillars of Lent: prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. While the details of how we approach each of the pillars is a matter of personal choice, we are expected to make a commitment to doing something for each one. Parents of children who are not of age and thus not bound by the laws of fasting and abstinence, are directed, with pastors, to teach the children “the true meaning of penance.”
The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops further clarifies exemptions: “Those that are excused from fast and abstinence outside the age limits include the physically or mentally ill including individuals suffering from chronic illnesses such as diabetes. Also excluded are pregnant or nursing women. In all cases, common sense should prevail, and ill persons should not further jeopardize their health by fasting.”
Aside from exemptions, it’s the third directive that leaves wiggle room. Sometimes, in our exuberance to become-a-saint-in-40-days, we frankly bite off more than we can chew.
As Jesus states in the Gospel of Matthew, “… the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
But that context alone should give us pause. It was said in the Garden of Gethsemane, where Jesus had taken Peter, James, and John so that they would remain nearby as he prayed to God the Father. While Jesus was asking the Father to prevent His imminent suffering and crucifixion (but asserting, “not as I will, but as You will”), the three disciples succumbed to drowsiness and fell asleep. Discovering this, Jesus said, “So, could you not watch with Me one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 27:36-41)
The message for us? A “drowsy” disposition should not lead us into sleep when we’re supposed to be standing by in support of Jesus and His mission. During Lent, as always, the Church simply wants us to grow closer to our Lord so, in addition to their prescribed modes for that growth, it requires that we actively choose some personal practices. While it’s not a sin to lessen our self-determined observances, it is a sin – a turning away from God – to abandon them. By turning away, we willingly forfeit benefits that come from growing closer to the Lord.
So we shouldn’t take our gift-of-self lightly. We should not give up just because something is hard. It’s supposed to be difficult. We’re supposed to challenge ourselves. We’re supposed to be willing to taste a tiny bit of the suffering that Jesus was willing to experience for us.
But sometimes, an overzealous Lenten undertaking prevents us from living up to our other very real responsibilities or our already-established ways of growing in our relationship with God. If one of our Lenten sacrifices is preventing us from fulfilling our legitimate commitments or duties, or if it is interfering with one of the fruitful spiritual habits already cultivated, we may be better off reducing or adjusting our Lenten goals.
Maybe.
But given human nature, and given Satan’s desire to use any weak moment to drive a wedge between us and God, maybe not.
Here are some suggestions and alternatives to consider while discerning:
Give it prayer. Sometimes we overlook the obvious, and in this case, the most obvious first thing to do is to pray about it. Our strength comes from God. The virtues, in particular, are there for the asking, so request whatever might be helpful, whether it’s dipping more deeply into the theological virtues of Faith, Hope, and Love/Charity; or the cardinal – sometimes called the hinging, pivotal or foundational – virtues of Fortitude, Temperance, Prudence/Wisdom, and Justice. God wants to shower us with grace, and our requests for help as well as our sacrifices increase receptivity to those graces.
Give it time. Sometimes we need time to adjust to change; perhaps that’s the necessary antidote for getting used to a particularly difficult sacrificial change. Other times, we need a little burst of endurance to get over a short (or recurring) bout of temptation.
Give it thought. Simple solutions can emerge when we put our brains on-the-job of figuring out how to do something better or easier. For instance, a good night’s sleep can help us cope with temptations that would be hard to resist while tired and cranky. Drinking water may help tame hunger pangs. Taking a walk or listening to some uplifting music may take our mind off of discomfort and even rejuvenate our resolve. Keeping a picture of someone for whom we’d like to offer up sacrifices can be a great motivator. Remembering that the discomfort or temptation will pass can be enough to get us through a short or periodic struggle. Placing items that we are giving up out of sight can reduced the number of times we put ourselves through a face-off with temptation. We may be able to “discover” time or motivation for prayer by rising 10 minutes early, using commute time, or enlisting the aid of a podcast. We may realize that the money we committed to donating may be most easily “found” by foregoing a lunch out.
If needed, give it an adjustment. If, after devoting prayer, time, and thought to the dilemna, we find that we’re unable to function properly or safely while performing regular required tasks, or circumstances have changed so that we no longer are able to live up to one or more of the challenges we chose, it’s okay to reconsider and re-set. Small adjustments may work. For instance, a commitment to fast every Friday – a workday – may be better scheduled for a Saturday or Sunday. Perhaps a goal of fasting 3 days a week sounded do-able in theory, but an inability to function at work is proving otherwise and a reduction or change is necessary. That could mean fewer days, or a different kind of fast: maybe fast from all condiments so that bodily needs for fuel are met– but forego the extra flavors that are so pleasing to the palate. We may overcome a sudden drop in finances that crushes our plan to donate money to a worthwhile organization by instead volunteering a few hours at a food pantry or by cleaning out a closet and donating items that are no longer needed.
God is a merciful God, who sees our hopes to grow closer to Him as well as our struggles to do so. Ours is the God Who wants us to resist a complacent and lazy faith, but also the One Who condemned the unjust practices of Pharisees for placing disproportionate burdens on the people. While He knows sacrifice is part of love and He wants us to partake of that fullness, He also has no desire to see us be our own overbearing pharisee. By navigating the extremes in good faith and with a humble heart, even if that means re-thinking our initial plan, we are sure to have a fruitful Lent.
We help each other grow, so please don’t hesitate to share helpful ideas or comments.