I can’t even remember what it was that my teenage son wanted but whatever it was, he needed my permission and I wasn’t giving it. After rounds of nonproductive reasoning and counter-reasoning, the only fuel I had left was exasperation.
“You know we’re on the same side, right?” I said in a last-ditch effort to end the standoff. “I’m not just trying to be difficult. Even though I can’t explain it in a way that you can understand, I still just know it’s not a good idea right now.”
To his credit, that made some sense.
But what didn’t make immediate sense to me was that I had to say it, I had to remind him I had his best interest at heart. I was surprised it wasn’t instinctively obvious. Afterall, I’ve been loving him and taking care of him since before he was born. Hadn’t I shown him through the days, weeks, and years of his life in countless ways that he – and all his needs and desires – were important to me? Didn’t he know by now that I didn’t just make arbitrary decisions about things that mattered to him or put up random roadblocks to his happiness?
Foolish me. Why was I surprised?
Just recently, I too needed a reminder. After praying for years for a family member to return to the Faith, I realized I actually had a deadline in mind that was fast approaching with no sign of this prayer being answered – and I started to feel let down. Disillusionment whispered nagging questions like, How can this possibly not be a good prayer? … This is a critical fork in the road – there’s no time to lose! … So many problems can be avoided and so much good can come about if there’s no further delay…. Can’t God just provide the circumstances necessary to nudge my loved one’s free will in His direction? … Should I be praying more? More intently? Asking more people to pray with me? Upping the sacrifices offered for this intention? … Am I missing something here – does He care about my prayer being answered?
In the midst of my gloomy thoughts, came this message from the Gospel: “I do will it.”
“I do will it.” Jesus said it in response to the leper’s request and He was saying it to mine. Allowing that simple phrase to resonate brought to mind additional verses where Jesus answered pleas for help and spoke similarly encouraging and promising words. What, for example, could be more direct than, “Ask, and it will be given you.”? And what intercessor could not gain courage from His treatment of the paralyzed man who was healed thanks to the faith of his friends? Those, and many other promises and works like them, are as true for me today as they were for his followers thousands of years ago. In other words, He reminds me that when I am striving for something truly good, whether it be for me or for another, we – He and I – are on the same page; we’re on the same side.
“I do will it.” That one statement helped restore my perception – or rather, reminded me that, being human, I have extreme limits on my perception. What I can see and know, however, is that God has been providing for me – loving me and taking care of me – since before I was born. I’m surrounded by His generous blessings that offer non-stop “proof” that He is all-loving and all-powerful. Whether He has granted my heart’s desire or led me away from a desire that would not have, ultimately, been good for me, His responses and timing have been spot-on. Through both the granted and denied requests, He has demonstrated love that encompasses all and wisdom that surpasses all. I should know I can trust Him to always do what is best, and that He knows when it is best to do it. In fact, each of us can hold onto the comforting assurance that He cares infinitely and unceasingly for us and for our loved ones – who also happen to be His loved ones.
And while it’s true that every human being – including each individual we pray for – has the freedom to resolutely turn his or her back on God, to refuse His promises, His invitations, His wisdom, His guidelines, and His blessings, Our Creator has planted in our souls a powerful attraction to what is good, beautiful, and true. Most sin is just chasing after counterfeit versions of those attractions, and in time, counterfeits are unveiled. When that happens, hearts can be awakened and drawn to the ultimate source of authentic goodness, beauty and truth. New choices can be made.
And to that, He says, “I do will it.”